I have one year of intermittent retail under my belt. I have no food handling experience other than pouring sodas and squirting popcorn. I know how to deal with and be in groups of people. I know how to work a cash register. I have a BA.
I got an interview for the one job I could do with my hands tied behind my back, and to have a great interview with no call back is devastating.
What job am I supposed to have if I have no motivation?
I feel like such a lazy bum when I don't do jack shit on my days off (which are more often than working days) but I have come to the conclusion that I will just enjoy the rest of 2010 and start fresh in 2011. I had a rough year and I deserve to take a second and just be grateful for the time that I have been given.
So...new job. I was unemployed for less than a week. Hooray! I'm making as much as I would on unemployment, but at least I'm working, and at least I can get out of the house for a couple hours a couple days a week. It's a beautiful space, my boss is chill as fuck, and for once, I can wear whatever I want to work. I can put my lip ring in and nobody cares about my tattoo. So...more tattoos. But the best part is I'm treated like a responsible adult. I have little to no supervision unless I need help and I'm trusted to do my job on my own. What a concept. I will always miss working as part of an awesome team, Cresties and purple suiters namely.
I'm not really in the mood for a long diatribe. But
Awful at putting away laundry. A couch potato most of the time. Still working things out. Head on the ground and feet in the clouds. You ever need to understand me a bit better? Watch Garden State and you'll get most of it. A finger deep friendship miles in the sand. Sailor's mouth. Guilt trips to nowhere. Post rock ambient. Stubborn. Keeps at a distance for she knows no other way. Reliable in the opposite sense. Nail biting is now the ultimate hobby. Listless restless. I only want what I can't have...but what does that even mean?
"Whatever it was that I was was best revealed slowly, in flattering light. Which meant not much light at all. Besides, that's the way it goes in adolescence. You try things out in the dark. You get drunk or stoned and extemporize. Think back to your backseats, your pup tents, your beach bonfire parties. Did you ever find yourself, without admitting it, tangled up with your best friend? Or in a dorm room bed with two people instead of one, while Bach played on the chintzy stereo, orchestrating the fugue? It's a kind of fugue state, anyway, early sex. Before the routine sets in, or the love. Back when the groping is largely anonymous. Sandbox sex. It starts in the teens and lasts until twenty or twenty-one. It's all about learning to share. It's about sharing your toys."
Oh, 2009. You suck so incredibly hard. Even the good things don't overshadow the shitty things that happened. However, I guess the best parts of the year include graduating UCSC, Jon's mom finding a job, me finding a job, and enjoying a week long cruise to Mexico.
2010, I hope you start fresh with everyone's lives.
Here are my "resolutions": - Pay off my credit card by halfway through the year. - Sell/donate more of my clothing. - Invest in better coffee and possibly a coffee grinder. - Be more social. I am a fucking horrible flake when it comes to social activities and I always feel guilty when I back out. - Explore the city. Invest in local business. Live in SF and actually LIVE in SF. - Move into a house we can live in for a while. I'm sick of apartment complexes and I'm sick of moving every year. - I'm getting a dog. If I can't have (don't want) a baby (yet), then I need a fucking dog. - Read more books. - Stay academically challenged, somehow. Grad school is far off (or nonexistent), and I need to stay educated. - Continue to excel at my job, recognize when opportunities are presented to move up, and believe that I can achieve more. - Bawl my eyes out when LOST is over, then re-watch the entire show and draft up my ultimate theory. - Plan for a Christmastime cruise. - Travel more (see: visit Andy in NYC after finals). - Find more creative things to eat. - Discover an active hobby that I don't begrudgingly feel obligated to do.
Here's to no more people dying, losing their jobs, and sucking in general.
I find it hard to articulate how much I miss Santa Cruz. And not really Santa Cruz, but the last two years of college. Hindsight is 20/20, but I'm beginning to question if I really took the time to appreciate my surroundings. What is it about that place that I really miss? Definitely not traffic on the 17 ofc.